Three kids. Homeschooling. Groceries. Laundry. It all adds up and can equal neglect. Neglect of ourselves, neglect of friendships, and neglect of our marriage relationship.
I love my husband, like still get butterflies in my stomach when he comes home from work. For some reason that doesn’t translate into changing out of my yoga pants before he comes home or shaving my legs every other day anymore. I’ve had a little child for almost three years now, so that means my hair stays in a bun almost all the time, too. I try to make up for it by wearing something nice about once a week, but there’s something special about getting some one on one time and just hanging out.
My husband is a motorcycle enthusiast. He said when he was younger he decided he wouldn’t marry a woman that would want him to get rid of his motorcycle. It’s one of his favorite hobbies and ways to relax. I love that it’s something we can do together, though with little ones it isn’t very often.
The other day we got to go on a ride together. Yes, hanging out at home together is good to nurture our relationship, but getting away from kids altogether is nice because he has my full attention. When we’re at home, we can be interrupted at any point and I’m typically thinking of a variety of things that need to get done. Letting him pay (even though both our cards go to the exact same bank account) makes it feel like a date. Enter butterflies again. It’s fun.
We weren’t gone for long, probably just an hour, but just getting out of town and not only enjoying each other’s company, but doing something that one of us loves, brings back that spark.
Everyone needs a spark once in a while. It comes for me when we all do a family outing and he helps with the kids. His comes when get time away from the kids. Heh, I guess I’ve never realized how it’s totally opposite occasions for us!
Now that Tulip is a little older and Care Bear can watch her for short periods of time (in between feedings), I can date my husband again. Just a coffee date blocks away does the trick. We picked each other, and when the kids are grown and moved out it’ll only be the two of us again, in sha Allah. Dating keeps us connected so we still are familiar with each other when that time comes, in sha Allah.
I look forward to our next date.
How do you date your husband?
Love this. I also admire the love you have for your husband and the love that he obviously has for you.
I’m going to have to think about how to continue dating my husband now that we have a little guy. We have been trying to eat dinner together which has been really nice.
The first couple months are the hardest to find time just to be with each other. We like playing board or card games together or just watching a movie. Any shared experience can be a good thing, in sha Allah.
Umm Khalid says
Reading this felt like you were describing me…how’d you know I haven’t shaved my legs lately? lol. But this is so true and as much as people warn you it could happen, you don’t notice until you’re in permanent frumpy-mom mode. In the past few years we’ve made more of an effort for some quality alone-time. Its usually almost always after kids go to bed: a movie, board games, saving a special desert just for us to eat after kids are asleep, lol. We also try to take advantage of family visiting; leave the kids with them (grandparents love to babysit any time!) and go out for dinner. Counting down the days until grandma visits again insha’allah!
I know! I remember a friend of mine saying how she shaves maybe once a week and I thought, “How can you go that long?” Three kids, that’s how! It creeps up on you.
We love board games, too! We like the complex ones like Pandemic, 7 Wonders, Puerto Rico, and Agricola. They aren’t rocket science, but it’s a nice step up from the typical fare you find at Target or Walmart.
Sometimes my husband and I just go for a walk in the neighborhood to re-connect.
Shannen Espelien says
I love that! My husband’s not the type that enjoys going for a walk, but we find what works for us. 🙂
Susen Malkowski Kuchta says
We don’t get date nights as often as we should but when we do we really enjoy them! This might be contradictory to your post but I’ve found that when we are away from each other, business trips for him or me taking the kids on an overnight or 2 to a families house makes us appreciate each other all the more!
Shannen Espelien says
Time away definitely has its place, too. I am excited when Hubby comes home from a work trip, and I know he misses me when I have to be gone for the day. I don’t think that’s contradictory at all! 🙂