Homeschooling with an Ex in the Picture

If you’ve read my blog for a little while, or been on my Facebook page, you may have picked up that Hubby is Care Bear’s step dad. Homeschooling with nay sayers is hard, and I would argue that when those nay sayers are your ex and/or their family, it adds a level of difficulty. Add to it that the demographic of homeschooling families is not typically a split home, it can feel like I’m a lonely fish in the sea.

So, whining about it isn’t going to do me any good, obviously. That doesn’t change anything. I’ve learned that no matter what we do, or how well Care Bear does in her work, there will always be something he can nitpick and complain about. What to do? Well, here’s just a couple things I’ve done to make life slightly easier and to reduce conflict. I’d love to hear more suggestions as this can be a really tough situation!

• Make du’a (prayer). The actions of others are not in our hands. 
• Never stoop to a lower level out of anger or frustration. It never helps, and is a black mark to your character, which also tarnishes your credibility in raising your child correctly.
  • Remember, your spouse or family is typically more forgiving than an ex. Mistakes are not forgiven as easily or quickly.
• Use some resources that are familiar to the ex and/or their family. When you’re competing against the public school as the optimal choice, using some resources they have is not a bad idea.
  • We happen to use Saxon Math, Glencoe McGraw-Hill literature study guides, and Iowa Test of Basic Skills. I don’t choose them just because they are used in public schools, but they do gain some points when choosing resources.
• Recognize that fighting the homeschool stigma takes time. Well thought out, valid arguments only go so far. Many need to see actual results, or the fact that their child is not going to change into a dysfunctional member of society because of their homeschool.
• Your ex has some say, but realize only so many requests can be catered to. Just like any relationship with a parent, they are an advisor, not the boss.
• You can define your homeschool setup in court paperwork. I would argue that having this setup creates some boundaries of what requests can be made on either side and is very beneficial.
  • We have our school schedule defined, along with the simple fact that we will homeschool. No more “Will we homeschool next school year?” discussion every. single. summer. Alhamdulilah!

Life is more complicated the more people you have actively involved in your daily routine. In sha Allah there are ways to alleviate some of that discomfort. I’d love to hear more feedback on how to make it as painless as possible!